well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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