I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
