I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize