Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
