JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
