Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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