some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
two words: eviction party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
