What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize