My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
