it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
