I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize