He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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