WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Your cock deserves a montage
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
