i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
