i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
