Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
