i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
