you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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