just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
