Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
