i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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