What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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