we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
