just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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