Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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