Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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