Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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