Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
