Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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