ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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