Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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