Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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