he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
