what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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