We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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