At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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