im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
