So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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