were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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