It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
third nipple confirmed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
