I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was born a porn star she said
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
