Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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