we're chasing vodka with high fives
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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