I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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