'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
