puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
