This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
