Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize