Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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