So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
