Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize