I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
