Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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