Cold hands, warm shart.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
