there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
