Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
