drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
