Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
