Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
as a side note pls kill me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
