I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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