i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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