i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
