please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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