end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
