Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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