Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
