After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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