he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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