It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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