Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Come on in and take your pants off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
