one two three fourrrrnication!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
