Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
