I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
