he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
