Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
