Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
