May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
