You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize